THOUGHTS ON JANUARY

I can't believe it's OVER! Where did it go?

Well, I've LOVED doing this challenge. As I look back over each day's post for the month, I'm pleased that my relationship with God is very prevalent in my ramblings. The challenge prompt was to take note of self-growth over the month. And I can say that, just in writing about the things I have, I have a renewed sense of self-knowledge. Sometimes it's easy to just get caught up in the routine of what's going on around you and not think about what's going on in your own mind. So, taking a look in that musty old, cob-webby place was really good for me.

Another repeated theme in my writings was my love of my lifestyle right now, my new freedom, my love of home and of quiet time. And so, I can say that perhaps a step of growth has occured in that I can say that I am truly very contented right now. Sure, my life isn't perfect. There are some areas that definitely need improvement. But, overall, I am content, happy, joy-filled. I'm blessed.

"Me and my shadow
We're closer than pages that stick in a book
We're closer than ripples that play in a brook
Strolling down the avenue
Wherever you find him, you'll find me, just look
Closer than a miser or the bloodhound's to Liza
Me and my shadow"

Frank Sinatra & Sammy Davis Jr



What more can I say? How about I'm thankful that the sun was even shining this morning. Makes finding shadows easier. That won't be the case tomorrow, so love it when I can get it! :)

"Everybody needs a hug. It changes your metabolism."
Leo Buscaglia

Even kitties. And I love to hug my kitty. Although, as you can see in this photo, he's pretty indifferent about that hug...

He kills me. Because he SO loves me. He is like glue to my side. He sleeps plastered against my thigh in bed - under the covers! He's my little lion king. His name is Rocky. My friend, Teresa named him. I was looking for a "manly" name, because he was the runt of the litter. He's "petite".

Yep, that's my Rocky. Love to squeeze him.

"Always leave enough room in your life to do something that makes you happy, satisfied, or even joyous."
Paul Hawken

I can't say it enough. Having time in my scrap room REALLY makes me happy. Because I find that I'm constantly thinking about scrapping, so when I actually have time to get in there and create - that's my happy zone. That's my happy place.

It's about creating and thinking about who or what I'm scrapping for, but it's also an escape. A place I can go where, generally, the world does not intrude. Is that a bad thing? Well, I suppose if I was in there 24/7, but I'm not - yet! But I've definitely left plenty of room in my life for this time...

There's lots of other things that make me happy (this is all besides my family, as the prompt suggested): Singing praise songs (loudly) in the car; sunny days; great food; laughing with friends; reading a great book or seeing a great movie (more escapism!); the beauty of God's creation; quiet time.

Happiness should not be confused with joy, however. Happiness is very circumstantial. In other words, happiness very much is dependant on what's going on around you at any given time. It can come and go rather quickly. Above, I wrote about happiness.

But now, what about joy?. I see joy as something that comes from within, that is not based on circumstances, but is at the heart of my being, my Spirit. It's God's love - in me. That makes me thankful every time I think about it. It makes me want to do better, live better, be better. But that same love is unconditional. I don't need to be better to have it. I already have it - no matter what I do. THAT is joy, my friend. THAT does not change regardless of whatever my outer circumstances are. God's love. THAT gives me joy.

4/52

(Click on image to read journaling)

(Credits: - Forgotten Sunset by Lori Barnhurst (Little Dreamer Designs)

Fonts: Impact, Century Gothic

"Here's looking at you, kid."
Casablanca

Who's that woman in the mirror? She's a child of God. She's a wife, a mom, a mother-in-law, a daughter, a friend. She's independant yet needy, a home-body yet an outdoor lover, disciplined yet spontaneous. She's career-free, happy to be the master of her time. She's a volunteer. She's an artist, a musician, a photographer, a reader, a computer geek. She seeks closeness to God, the kind and sincere in heart, honest relationships and fun-loving souls. She shuns arrogance, pretense, deceitfulness, cruelty and negativity. She values her family, her friends, her home, her church family, God's creation and her relationship with God above all. She is still learning not to gauge her worth in her looks, her weight, her "job", or other people's opinions of her. She tries to keep her mind sharp and open. I think I like her.

"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"
Dirty Harry

Luck. The dictionary defines the word as follows: "The chance happening of fortunate or adverse events; fortune: They met one day out of pure luck."

Here I am faced with this word again this week and again finding myself resistant to it. See, I just don't believe that fortunate - or adverse - things, happen by chance. I believe in a sovereign God who is in control and who is the giver of all good things. I believe that if I'm in an adverse situation, it's because He's allowed it, somehow, for my greater good. I believe that if I am enjoying good things, it's because He has given them. And I believe God allows us to make choices for which we will suffer or enjoy, the consequences. Sometimes, when we make poor choices, God is gracious enough to protect us from ourselves. He also knows that there are times when we will learn best just by bearing the full brunt of the consequences of our actions. I've experienced both.

I know a lot of it is semantics. I'm not too bent out of shape by it. But I just want to recognize that I'm not a lucky girl, I'm a blessed girl! And, yes, I DO feel blessed today!

"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow." Lauren Bacall in "To Have and Have Not"

Okay, get this - I once won a contest for that lip imprint! I can't even remember what it was for or what I won, but it was way back in the late 70's when Chris was going to Chiropractic college. That's another body part I've always liked! ;) Smooch, smooch!

"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest Gump

What a perfect quote for today. I got together with my friend, Deborah, today and we knew we were going to eat lunch together, but we really didn't know where and we were just taking the day as it came. No big plan other than we just wanted to spend some time together. We ended up at a new Irish pub not too far from home (after a little shopping). We spent three hours there, taking photos, eating, sitting by the fire afterwards and just chatting away. After a couple more fun stops, we finally headed home to two very hungry husbands who both wondered what in the heck we'd been doing all day! :)

Yeah, today was like a box of chocolates. We didn't really know what we were going to get, but we knew it would be good and we knew it would be sweet! :)

"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth."
Pride of the Yankees

Today, I'm very thankful for my simple life and some of the things I do that, while they may seem mundane, on the grand scale of things, they are the stuff that "ordinary" is made of. And today I'm thankful for ordinary. I don't know if I'd use the word "luck", but this is the life I have and I am blessed by it's ordinary-ness.

My mood of gratitude today is definitely fueled by reading Christine's blog and Jody's blog, as I do regularly. I became aware of these woman months ago through our mutual love of scrapbooking and my fave website, SIStv, but I keep reading because they are remarkable women. Christine has just lost her husband (this month) to brain cancer. She is now left (with wonderful support from her extended family) to raise her 1 y/o son alone. She has so openly and honestly shared her journey through the illness and now loss of her husband. Jody has sufferend mind-boggling, senseless tragedy, from which she and her family are still feeling the effects on a daily basis. (If you click on the "Losing Teagan" link right under her profile you can read the whole story. Warning: have a kleenex handy.) I especially love Jody's post for this day. It's uplifting enough, but especially in light of what she's been through, her strength is truly inspiring.

So, yeah. I'm a "lucky" girl. My life is uncomplicated and blessed. Today, I'm really grateful for that.

"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup."
Sunset Blvd

Um, okay, I admit it. I'm not real fond of the personal close-up. I will most likely glow/diffuse 'em out in PSE like I did this one. Age spots just aren't pretty, kwim? It's still me - just brighter! :)

"There's no place like home"
Wizard of Oz

I REALLY love my home. It's very humble. Nothing fancy, really. But it is where I feel most at peace, most comfortable. We're on 20 wooded acres, we're completely secluded. We have a quarter-mile long driveway. We have pathways through the woods. It's a retreat for all sorts of wildlife as well (some more welcome than others!). We built it ourselves, so there's also that comfort of knowing just how it all goes together. We have a fabulous porch across the front and a much bigger deck that spans the back. It has an open-air hot tub and a little dining area, which we LOVE to use as soon as the weather allows. There are steps down to a little patio that has built-in benches and a fire pit with a "lid" that doubles as a table. There's a hammock in the side yard. A swing on the porch, and rockers. It's heaven to me.

I totally see this home as one of God's many good gifts. And it's always been my desire to share it with others and to let it be a place of hospitality and blessing to others as well. Sure, this house has seen both good times and bad, but overall, I just feel it has a cozy, welcoming character.

I'd like to die here. My dh sort of burst my bubble about that when he reminded me that we won't be able to do the upkeep on it forever. *sigh* My kids love it and think they'd like to have it. I love that they think of it as home and as a place they want to return to.

I really am a home-body. There really is no place like home for me.

3/52

(For page credits, please link to my posting on the SIStv gallery here.)

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."

Fran Lebowitz

You, know - never a truer word spoken in jest. While one of the areas in my life where I'd like to see change this year is in the area of "food", I think Fran may be more wise than funny, if you think about it. If diet infers ALL that we take in, then, truly, food is only a part of that, albeit a very important part.

I say we also need to pay attention to how much fresh air we take in, how much rest, how much activity, how much positive self-talk, how much humor, how much deep, "real" conversation. And are we careful about how much abuse, how much nonsense, how much meaningless chatter we allow to penetrate our daily lives? How open are we to hearing what God has to say to us and to receiving His unconditional love, His forgiveness, His grace, His mercy? I believe what we take in will eventually be what flows back out of us, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually.

ALL of these things are important to consider in a balanced "life" diet.

"A laugh is a smile that bursts."
Mary H. Waldrip

I'm not about to take a photo of my sick self today! (I'm better, but still feel (and look) yucky.)

I went with an older photo that I took of my dear friend and her darling granddaughter. This is a woman who loves to laugh and I love to laugh with her. I love to laugh in general. And I love to make people laugh. Laughing is something that everyone can do that will instantly make them feel better. And it's free, it's not fattening, it effects everyone around you in a positive way. Laughing is good! :)

"Look closely. The beautiful may be small."
Emmanuel Kant

Today's prompt was cause to get out the new camera and practice a little. And, I agree, the beautiful may be small! I love how you can see the little droplets forming, before falling into one larger one. Cool! :)

"We all need time to be alone; to think, to dream, to wonder."
Billie Roark

All I can say to this quote is "amen"! I LOVE alone time, covet it. I've never been one to be "afraid" of being alone. I like the quiet. I like time to think through and organize the gazillions of thoughts that seems to be racing through my head at any given time. I love sitting in this chaise and gazing out at my deck, the trees, the birds, the sky.

I'm feeling under the weather today, so down time is especially good. I was able to throw together some Potato Leek soup (with hubby's help - gotta give him kudos or else he won't help anymore!) and I'm looking forward to that later... In the meantime, we're venturing out to see a brand newly-released film. I guess I can sit and feel ill in a theatre as well as at home... My thoughts today are just towards nurturing my sick self. I can do that...

"You, whose day it is, get out your rainbow colors and make it beautiful."
Traditional Nootka song

I was finally able to get out my ATC cards and start playing. I got out the fabulous color of paint you see there and painted up a little bunch of card backs, adding some stamping and textures. SO fun! I'm going to really enjoy make a card a week. (I'm following Emily Falconbridge's '07 prompts...)

"Make rest and refreshment a necessity, not a luxury."
Dan Zadra

Rest and refreshment have been my middle name ever since I got tired of having the feeling that my life was like a merry-go-round I could never quite step onto. Retirement has helped immensely. Even still, I know how much I can handle, so I know when to say no and I know how, when the stress level does get a little high, to just take a breath, slow down and kick it back a little. This is good. This keeps me sane.

I know it's not Ansel Adams or anything, but this is one of my very first photos shot with my new SLR. Wow, do I ever have a LOT to learn! There's a TON of info to retain...but I'll get there because I'm very determined! :) I actually did get right down on the floor with my kitty (a.k.a. Rocky) for this shot. You know, it's actually much harder to get a CAT to look at you when you want them to, than a 3 year old! Geesh!

I LOVED Anna's photo tips today. I printed them out and I'll be experimenting when I can figure out all my little settings....

2/52

"Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work.”
Bette Davis

I didn't even ask for this for Christmas because it was so - impossible. But then circumstances changed and where my dh and I usually take some certain Christmas money and save it for a trip, this year we decided to split it between us for personal use. It was my dh that even said to me, "you could get your camera".

Woah. What a stunning thought! I could! I COULD get the new camera that I thought would have to stay in my dreams for a long, long time! And, today - yes the very day of the quote above - my new camera came and I went and picked it up. Oh, baby. I cannot wait to play.

Part of the impossible was the $$. The other part was that "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" thing. I'm just a point and shoot camera user. So learning the SLR will be a real challenge for me. But I'm UP to it! And, oh, yeah, it will most definitely improve my work. Hopefully, that will be apparent very soon right here on this blog! :)

"When in doubt, take a bath."
Mae West

Oh, what a wise woman, that Mae! One of the best purchases we've ever made is our hot tub. And that's where I take my "baths". (Just so you know, this isn't a substitute for regular soapy showers...)

Unfortunately, there's a reason you don't see at least my feet in this photo. The water is very cold right now because something is wrong with my precious tub! *cry, cry*

But, oh how I love getting in there - mostly in the mornings - and, with no jets running, just calm, hot, hot water, listening to the sounds of the birds or the soft windsong on my chimes. At night I love to lay back and look at the stars and the blackness of the trees against the sky. It's so wonderful. The troubles of the world truly melt away.

Oh, hurry, mr. repair man - I need my hot tub fix! :)

"Savor life's tiny delights---a crackling fire, a glorious sunset, a hug from a child, a walk with a friend, a cup of soup, a kiss behind the ear." ~ John Anthony

Listen for birds. Look for creatures, big or small. Feel the weather. Smell the air. Taste the coffee.

Stepping out my front door every morning is definitely one of my life's little daily delights. So simple, yet so full of blessings.

As you can see above, this is a quote that I've used before, because it certain applies! Those are my siblings, above, making a guest appearance today.

But, in keeping with selfies, there's my nutty self today.

My "given" name is Janet and when I was a kid I was called all sorts of things (kids can be so mean!), like JanIT and JanNUT, among others. Not that I want anyone to start calling me that again, but I sort of have lived up to the JanNUT thing. Because I am pretty nutty. Really mostly corny. But I do like to laugh and joke around and keep the situation light, if possible. You can count on me to do that and I think my friends would tell you the same. And, really, is there anything more powerful than making a room full of people laugh? I'm just a nut!

"The eyes are the window of the soul"
English Proverb

My eyes. They've always been my best body parts. (Thank heavens they can't get fat!)

The soul that shines through there? That comes from my Heavenly Father. While I may build walls or try to fool even myself, He knows exactly what's behind those eyes and always has. I canNOT fool Him. And - amazingly - He. Still. Loves. Me. Wow. I hope the reality of that shines through those eyes at least sometimes...

"Take time every day to do something ridiculous."
Philipa Walker

Okay, I swear I will get back to the daily photos, but this photo, taken while we were in AZ over Christmas, kinda sums it up, doesn't it? We put these goofy specs in each of our grown up kids' stockings, but, of course, I had to play, too.

If I would have tried to be silly today just for a picture, it probably wouldn't have worked. But in this photo, well, there's spontaneous silliness if ever you were to see it. Silly. That's my middle name....

“The best color in the whole world, is the one that looks good, on you!”
Coco Chanel

Sure, I took this photo today! I took it out of my 2007 folder of photos. Hey, it's not a competition or anything. Okay. I cheated, I broke the "rules". I'm fine with that. Because THIS photo exemplifies more than any other I have or could take today, exactly why that color of blue is so great on me! It just pops my eye color. I make use of this little factoid whenever I can! :)

1/52

"Look back and smile on perils past."
Sir Walter Scott

All I can say is that some things are easier to smile about than others. Like the time I melted down while trying to cross an ICE cold creek in my bare feet with a backpack on. Quite perilous at the time, but I can smile about it NOW! Or giving birth at home and getting stitched up "au natural". Ouch. But I can definitely smile now. Because, while these things and others may have seemed perilous at the time, they really weren't. My life was never really in question. Now they're over and I survived quite nicely thank you very much.

The peril of my childhood is less easy to muster up a smile for. I think that's because it was more of a true peril. When our lives are truly threatened, I don't think we can ever just smile about. But we can be thankful that we didn't die, whether physically or emotionally, socially, spiritually. And I didn't. I have learned a lot about myself, relationships and life in general as a result, but it really isn't smile-worthy.

Nevertheless, in this life I generally prefer to smile. :)

(Back later with my scrap page...)

"Hold out your hands to feel the luxury of the sunbeams."
Helen Keller

My hands. They reflect the easy - blessed - life I have. They are not rough, scarred or blistered from hard manual labor. They are not boney from starvation. They are not discolored by disease.

But rather, they are soft from age and, frankly, from years of moisturizer. They are used to love, to create, to take care of myself, to express myself while speaking, to communicate with pen or keyboard. The nails are short on one hand and long on the other because I play the guitar every week in church.

Today, they were clasped in prayer, used to eat a meal my husband prepared, applied makeup to my face, held the pen that I used to do a crossword, gave an encouraging pat on the back to more than one person, helped to hug my son in a sweet, grateful, loving embrace, felt the soft fur of my kitty.

I don't think my hands are too fat, or need makeup or liposuction or plastic surgery. I don't feel the need to hide them with oversized clothing or to enhance them with jewels or nail color. (Not that there's anything wrong with that - you should see my toes!). My hands are just their natural selves, doing what I need them to do every day. I really like them. What would I do without them? Thanks, God, for my hands.

"I am beautiful no matter what they say"
Christine Aguilera

Today's prompt asks for an honest look at myself. Am I happy with who I am? At 55 years old - I still struggle.

I do know I'm not what you'd call physically beautiful. But I honestly believe that some people have a beauty inside that permeates their outer physicality so much so that you can't see anything but the beauty (even in a photo). That's my only hope of attaining any kind of beauty at this point!

But that kind of beautiful person is not the one that emerges from ME much of the time. I'm too self-protected and when you protect yourself from letting stuff IN, "stuff" also doesn't get OUT. Which is too bad. Because I do know I have a lot of beautiful stuff inside. But it doesn't get out. And so I often feel misunderstood.

I'm a child of God. I know this for sure. And I understand my worth in God's eyes. I understand it in my head and in most of my heart. But I really don't think it has permeated my heart yet. It's like I'm not FLUENT in that God-love yet. I still have to think about it. Remember to believe it. I think if I was fluent in God's love for me, then I would not feel a need for this, this wall I've put up with some humans. (Obviously, the ones that get closest to me and threaten to break down the wall.) I would not feel threatened. I would not seek this approval. I would not need this validation. I would not fear intimacy (relational intimacy) if I truly was on board 100% with God's love for me..

So, do I like myself? I DO a lot of things that I like. I perform fairly well in life. But inside, I'm just a little girl that wants a little too desperately to be loved by humans and not just God. Most people probably wouldn't know this about me. (The ones that do and still love me? I call them friends!) Like I said. I'm a pretty good performer. My initial impulse is to say that I don't like myself because of this needy little weakness, because of the walls.

But maybe I need to be a little easier on myself...do a little nurturing of that little girl. After all, she just wants to be loved...maybe it needs to start with me. If God created me and loves me, shouldn't I begin by agreeing with Him? Truly, my agreement with Him about myself is the basis of my relationship with Him in the first place.

Hard stuff to think about. Confusing. Complicated. I guess I'll take it down off the shelf, dust it off and think about it some more sometime - but for now that's enough. :)

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are"

Mary Jean Irion

My "normal" day usually has the same basic pattern:

. sleep in
. get up and have coffee, do devotions
. have 2nd cup and breakfast
. do previous while checking email, blogs, etc.
. daily stuff - some chores, lots of freedom
. get on computer again
. go to bed in the wee hours

What I LOVE about being retired is that I am the master of my time. There is a certain amount of responsibility (discipline) that goes with that, which I'm getting around to after 7 months of utter freedom. (Hence my word for 2008 = productive and leads to the list on day 1). But I so love that I have a lot of "free" time that I can fill with whatever I choose. Believe me, I am totally aware of, grateful for and treasure my normal little days.

"Life is too short and too amazing to spend time worrying about imperfection "
Ali Edwards

Okay, I thought about this all day. I understand that Ali was talking about scrapbooking - or creating in general - when she said the above quote. And I admit that in that area, and in most task-oriented areas, I tend to be "perfectionistic".

But I realized today that perfection is totally in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? What may seem "perfect" to ME may not to someone else. Just like beauty, music, taste for food, movies, books, art (or anything), and almost anything we could form an opinion about. There is no "perfect". It's all subjective.

This is kind of an "aha" moment for me because I do tend to think that my way - in many task-oriented areas anyway - (and my husband will heartily agree with me here) is THE right way. Because I seek to achieve MY idea of perfection.

I got to thinking about God, Who IS perfection in God, Person and Spirit. So, as I look around at His creation, I'm thinking, "is there a perfect tree? Flower? Sunset? Human face?" And I became very grateful for the many imperfections that make this world sooooo beautiful. I think I kind of put it all in perspective for myself! God knew what He was doing when he made us all different - inside and out. Perfect! :)

"Mind-boggling"

Yep, that's my word for the day. I realized after I had a lovely start to the day that I really should tackle my banking today since I have an appointment tomorrow and won't have the whole day to focus (because I have the church banking to do tomorrow as well...).

I chose wisely because, after being gone for a week and with the holidays and all, I had a CRAPload of receipts and deposits and bills and, GAH. It was a horrid mess. It took me ALL afternoon. Admitedly, I do have a rather complex little system, but it works for me - on a normal week. I'm SO glad I'm done. Now I must set up all my spreadsheets, etc. for 2008...

"A day without laughter is a day wasted" - Charles Chaplain

Son #2 at dinner with friends and family tonight. We love to laugh a lot around here, though it appears he's trying to hold it in...






Here's a little list of goals for 2008:

1. healthy up my lifestyle (food, exercise, sleep)
2. create a rough daily schedule and mostly stick to it
3. make my a.m. devotions an un-negotiable priority
4. read for an hour every day
5. make and send more cards to people I care about
6. pursue making money at my craft
7. write down what I eat each day
8. record what I'm grateful for each day
9. listen more actively
10. go to bed before midnight